Meet Redneck Voodoo

When Redneck Voodoo began recording its adventures a few short weeks ago, they were known only to a few. It hardly seemed necessary to describe these brave individuals in great detail since their exploits were only intended to be shared with interested friends and family. Little did they know that their courageous deeds would become legend. Since its humble beginnings, the Voodoo Blog has been read by the thousands (true story) in eight countries (also true). Readers have been glued to their seats, in Russia, Germany, Brazil, Ukraine, France, Italy, and Indonesia and of course, The United States, cheering the team on as they expel the ambassadors of darkness from the natural realm. But now, because of their rapidly, growing reputation, we find it necessary to introduce these indomitable men and women (well, one woman) to the world. So without further ado we bring you, Redneck Voodoo…up close and personal.

Rachel Eisensee Scout	This little green-eyed lady might be “Child of nature and a friend of man”, but don’t let her delicate, good looks fool you folks. Rachel is as tenacious as a pit bull when it comes to rooting out the denizens of evil. Fear is the F-word to this little gal. And that is a word she never uses. There are two mysteries surrounding Rachel. The first mystery is why her boyfriend, Chad, lets her hang with this bunch of He-Men. The second mystery is why she would want to?
Josh Hamm Scout	Josh is a private guy. He was born on a mountain and raised in a cave, ghost hunting and dancing are all he craves. And he does a hell of job of both. Heir to the Hamm’s Beer Company fortune, he eschewed riches for the chance to battle the darkness. His toughness is legendary. He once put out a cigarette on Chuck Norris’ face, and Chuck answered meekly, “Thank you sir, may I have another?” Josh just walked away. “No, bitch,” he said, laughing.
Andy Ogden Assistant EVP Guy	Andy is an enigma. His hobby is Quantum Physics. He writes haiku and brandishes the rugged good looks of a 70’s porn star (if he could grow a mustache). Though he was built for violence, he abhors it, until he comes face to face with an evil entity. His specialties include; Defensive talking in tongues and screaming like a little girl. Also, he is not afraid to admit when he is scared (which is most of the time).
Robert Lowrance Beer Bitch	Since Robert is not yet an official member of Redneck Voodoo, his job is to observe and to pass beverages to team members. Since ghost hunting is thirsty business, the importance of his job is incalculable. Robert hopes to become a member as soon as the team thinks up an appropriate initiation or they find another beer bitch, whichever comes first.
James Anderson Head EVP Technician	When a ghost is shy, don’t ask why. Just call James, and what he calls, his trusty, “Ghost Voice Recording Thingy”. Tech nerds like James use all kinds of fancy technical terms that those of us with a lower I.Q. don’t understand, but he has earned the trust of Redneck Voodoo. We may not speak his language, but he speaks good, “Ghost”.
Chuck Crouch Chief Science Officer	Chuck is not only wise in the ways of science; he is 6’ 2” and 110 lbs. of ghost hunting Fury. He can expertly navigate his way around a laboratory, usually without breaking too many things and he can spew scientific terms with the best of them, even if he doesn’t know what they mean. Steven Hawking once said about Chuck: “Charles Crouch represents the great mysteries of science. I’d love to be there when they cut his head open and examine his brain, when he dies. It’s people like him that make me feel even smarter”. Heady praise, I would say.
Ryan Beerly Spiritual Liaison	The Reverend Ryan Beerly received his ordination from the prestigious, Universal Life Church, internet site. Not just anyone is accepted into their ranks. You must first go there and fill out a form. Not only is Ryan the team’s, strobe light operator, he is fearless in the face of supernatural threat. Evil is aware of his credentials and fear his mighty presence. He is also available for weddings, Bar Mitzvahs and exorcisms.
Nelson Webb Scribe	Nelson is the elder statesman (not by much) of the group. Though he is an active ghost hunter, he is also observer and chronicler of the Voodoo team’s exploits. Poetic, articulate and wise, (and an all-around great guy) he puts down for posterity, the great and noble acts of selflessness performed by these undaunted warriors (which he hopes to sell at a later date, to the highest bidder).

It has been a pleasure to introduce you to these modern men women of valor. It is my hope that the world can read these words and know without question that they can sleep safely in their beds tonight. It is for you that they toil tirelessly in the never ending battle against the evil entities that would commit all manner of atrocities against you. So if you happen upon one of these courageous individuals on the street, don’t bother to thank them. Just nod and say, “Voodoo Baby”. They’ll get it.