Robert went down hard. His airway was closing from the force of Billy Cook's vice-like grip. He was a ghost, but Robert was no match for him. Being a Beer Bitch hadn't prepared him for a confrontation with an angry spirit, and the second Billy touched him he had screamed and fainted. Still, his subconscious was awake and active and he was dreaming he was standing on the side of the road, his arm outstretched in a hitchhikers pose.
Old cars, once assembled by workers in American factories in the 40's and 50's, zoomed by at high speed. A road sign told him he was somewhere in Oklahoma. A breeze blew at his back and he felt good, strong and full of purpose. But that purpose had yet to emerge. He knew only where he was and didn't care where he was going. Inside his head, he was still Robert, but there was someone else in there with him...someone vaguely familiar, yet unknown.
The men of Redneck Voodoo had been taken completely by surprise. They rushed toward their fallen comrade, shocked to see the image of Billy Cook begin to fade away, his hands still locked tightly around Robert's neck. James got there first and dove toward his friend's attacker, but the dead killer's image disappeared the moment he landed, dropping him firmly on Robert's stomach. James got up...Robert did not.
"Where the hell did he go?" James asked. "He was just here."
"I think you must have scared him away," Chuck said. "It's a good thing for that you got there first. I was about to put a hurt on that goofy-eyed, ghoul."
"We've got bigger problems right now," Nelson said. "I don't think Robert's breathing."
"O.M.G., he's right," Ryan said. "We'd better start CPA on him right now."
"Don't you mean, CPR?" Andy asked. "I think it's CPR."
"We don't get paid to think, Andy," Ryan shot back.
"Wait a minute, you guys are getting paid?" James said, angrily. "How come nobody told me anything about getting paid? I haven't seen a dime from this. It would be nice if you guys told me something once in a while. It's not like I'm Andy, or somebody like that."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Andy asked. The two men continued to argue while Nelson dropped to his knees and began to apply CPR.
"Would you guys stow it and get down here and help me?" he said. James also dropped to his knees and began slapping Robert across his face. At the same time, Ryan pulled off Robert's boots and was tickling his feet while Andy unbuckled the unconscious man's pants and pulled them down.
"What the hell are you doing?" Chuck said, and began slapping Andy on the hands.
"I thought it would help him breathe better."
Chuck rolled his eyes. "By taking his pants off?"
"I don't know," Andy said, embarrassed. "I've never had to do this before."
Meanwhile, inside Robert's head, a showdown was taking place. A man was approaching on foot from the distance and his feeling of comfort was quickly fading. At the same time, his face was beginning to hurt and he felt a strange tickling sensation on the bottom of his feet. His legs were chilled and he felt very vulnerable. He rubbed his dream face and closed his dream eyes for only a moment, but when he opened them again, the strange man in the distance was standing before him. He recognized him as Billy Cook.
"Hey there, mister," Billy said, stamping out a cigarette. "Now how about that lift?"
Nelson, James and Ryan worked feverishly on Robert, while Chuck comforted Andy by putting his arm around him.
"I'm not gay," Andy said, sobbing.
"I know," Chuck said, soothingly. "You're just comfortable with your sexuality."
Andy jerked away from Chuck, angrily. "I hate you freaking guys. You're all a bunch of dicks."
With that, they all stopped working on Robert and just stared at Andy. Really," Chuck said. " I thought that was why you liked us." The men all shared the laugh, including Andy.
"I think he's coming around," Ryan said, breaking up the joviality. Robert began coughing and attempted to sit up but James stopped him by slapping him one more time.
"What was that for?" he asked, rubbing his face.
"Sorry," James answered. "I'm just still mad because I'm not getting paid."
Robert just looked at him, bewildered. "K?"
"That was a close one," Nelson said. "We thought we'd lost you for sure." Ryan extended his hand to Robert and pulled him up. He tried to walk, but his pants were still down and he tripped.
"I don't even want to know," Robert said. "I don't even want to know."
Chuck was returning from the Jeep with something in his hands. "Here, Beer Bitch," he said, tossing Robert a beer. "This one's on me."
Nelson picked up the camera and began filming again as the others talked quietly with Robert and loaded equipment back into the Jeep. He noticed Robert looking over at him, uneasily. It made him uneasy too. They piled into the Jeep, each man taking his assigned seat, Robert in the back by the coolers. As they drove off toward home they talked excitedly about their encounter with Billy Cook...everybody but Robert, that is. He sat quietly, looking out the back window. He smiled, his newly acquired lazy eye, glowing in its socket.
Later that night, Nelson walked into his office to find his oldest son, Gabe, sitting at the computer. "Hey son," he said, surprised. "I'm glad you're here. I was going to call you later."
"What's up dad?" Gabe said. "You look troubled."
"I don't know. I think I need you to take a look at this recording."
"Sure," he said, and uploaded the data. They watched the final minutes of footage and sat back in their chairs. "I see what you're worried about."
"So, I'm not imagining things?"
"No dad, this is an obvious case of spiritual, zygogenesis."
"What does that mean?"
"What does obvious, mean?"
"No, what does spiritual zygogenesis mean?
"Oh that. It's just a fancy way of saying that this Billy Cook character is guilty of unlawful expropriation of the corporal being."
Nelson stared stupidly at his son. "I don't understand a word you just said, boy," he said.
"He means Robert's possessed," said a voice from behind them. They turned around to find Ryan, Chuck, James and Andy standing in the doorway. "You know this thing ain't over yet," Ryan said.
"I was afraid of this," Nelson said. "I think the rest of you were too."
"I wasn't, I thought it was over," Andy said. "I thought we were just going to Steak And Shake. Good burgers, but you know they ripped me off one time? I ordered a double-order of Chili-Cheese Fries and they only gave me a single. I wonder if I can still get my money back?"
"Concentrate men," Chuck said. "We need concentration.
"It's obvious we need to get Robert back to Peace Church Cemetery," Ryan said. "I think you need to come with us, Gabe. You can film while I perform the circumcision. I'll need the rest of you to assist me."
"Don't you mean exorcism?" Andy asked. "I think it's, exorcism."
"Whatever," Ryan said.
The men all pulled up chairs and began making their plans, five great minds, now joined by a sixth. It was life or death for their friend, Robert and they were willing to give it all for the best Beer Bitch they had ever had. And they knew that no case is ever finished until the fat lady says, "Voodoo Baby."
(... to be continued)
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